I’ve been having kinda crazy mood swings: between motivated and studying hard (those don’t last long), feeling apathetic about the quarter and just wanting it to be over, and panicked stressing, feeling like I’m just not smart enough to be here. Right now I’m the latter, but just a short time ago I was the former. This was caused by the grades from the final we took yesterday being posted. I did really well in the two sections, which I felt not great about, but did really (really) poorly in the one section I was confident about. I’m still really confused how I messed it up so badly, I felt so confident about every answer… and it was just enough to leave me 0.2% away from the grade I really wanted. And it’s frustrating because I studied so hard. I e-mailed the professor so that I can hopefully meet with him to see where I went so horribly wrong.
So now I’m sitting here, depressed and annoyed, totally thinking how I’m just not good enough to cut it no matter how hard I study, yet not doing anything about it. All the while I’m losing out on precious sleep. I need to shake this funk and get my ass in gear, or my finals are going to just completely kick my ass.
It doesn’t help that today’s date has huge negative significance for me, and I’ve been trying my best all day to fight the feeling that comes over me on March 10th.